Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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