I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
