i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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