I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
