I seem to have left my pride at pride
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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