After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I want is dick and wine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
