my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
