Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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