MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
