I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
only you would photoshop your dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
