I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
