I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
