The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
