I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
