you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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