"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
