Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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