a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
