Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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