she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pooping to opera.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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