So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
