T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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