Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
