Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
