I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
