So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
