So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
