Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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