I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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