I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
