I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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