yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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