dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
