Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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