sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
