i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
