They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
