you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
