her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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