why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
