wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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