my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
