my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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