Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
