Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
