toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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