I heard we made out
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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