eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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