The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
