dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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