Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And then the night went full on bisexual.