I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
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But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.