So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.