She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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