its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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