1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
