Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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