thus making me awesome and them whores
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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