She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
