Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
