That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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