just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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