Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
