You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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