she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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