hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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