so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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