Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
