This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
