Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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