I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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