Porn is love you can see.
Fuck appropriateness.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize