i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
