Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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