I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
