today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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