she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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