Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
