So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
