Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
