I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
