I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
