Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
