let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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