I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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