Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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